How to Become What You've Always Dreamed

We've all heard the term "fake it til you make it", and I can't count the times I've said it during motivational group coaching sessions. I've said it to clients who obtained new jobs when they were having pre first day on the job jitters, and I've said it to Zumba newbies who were nervous about attending their first class. I've often said this mantra to myself before new challenges, and it has been a comforting sentiment in times of fear. 

There is however an element of inauthenticity to this statement, as it implies faking or acting like you know what you're doing when you don't. Also, in my humble opinion, you've already made it if you've mustered the courage to try something new, scary and thrilling. 

So, during my coaching session this week where I was the client (yes, even professional life coaches hire life coaches when they are in transition or looking to achieve new and exciting goals. Think of the Einstein quote: no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. Therefore my business/ life coach is my personal brilliant brainstorming strategist, who offers fresh perspective to my habitual ways of thinking and doing things) My coach helped me to reframe the old "fake it til you make it" into a phrase that feels much more true to who I am. The new statement is: As I do, I become. Isn't that a great sentence! You too can put this into practice. So you want to become an artist? Begin painting and you are becoming. Want to be a writer? Then write, and you are a writer. So you would like to be a dancer? Find an online tutorial and know that you are becoming a dancer with every fumbled step taken. The concept is so simple, and yet we get fixated on the end result, feel overwhelmed and we don't get started on the becoming that will make our heart soar. 

There are so many resources online that can teach us how to become anything that we desire, if only we took that first step in becoming. Forget the destination and start living for the becoming, that's the place where the excitement magic and joy reside. 

Ask This Question to Squash Winter Blues

Life coaching is all about asking strategic questions that empower the client to create positive changes in their lives. While some questions are fairly standard problem solvers, others can have a very profound impact on our consciousness. One of my favorite questions can be helpful this time of year when combating seasonal sadness in the sunless Shuswap. Through the winter, due to a lack of light, our bodies produce less serotonin which is a chemical that helps us to feel good, and elevates our mood. Less serotonin can lead to moodiness, sadness, loss of energy, depression etc. for anyone who suffers from a mild case of the winter blues, this question is a great pick me up. This question prompts us to make choices from our highest self. This question helps to immediately shed the petty behavior of the ego. This question is a motivator. This question brings us from victim mentality to a place of power. This question is so effective, and yet so simple. This question is:

What would I do if I were absolutely awesome?

What would you do? 

When you decide what awesome looks like to you, and you shift into your awesomeness you will modify your behavior in positive ways, and one awesome act will prompt the energy, courage and gumption for other positive actions. 

If you can incorporate this one question into every dreary winter day, and follow through with a fabulous behavior, believe me, the results will be big. Your level of life satisfaction and mental happiness will remain high through the gray, cold days to come. What are you waiting for? What would you do right now if you were absolutely awesome? Now go do it, be awesome, the choice is yours. 

Jennifer Szabo

Transformational Wellness Coach

Licensed Zumba Fitness Instructor

Yoga instructor

The Science of Smudging

In the process of creating a comfortable and cozy home yoga studio, I wanted to give the space positive energy before I opened the doors to the community. The decor was calming and simple, and I wanted clients to feel an instant comfort as they entered the large empty room.  In my experience, rooms that are used for meditation carry a very fresh and clean feeling, so I decided to meditate in the space, with the intention of filling the space with the loving feeling of being wrapped in a soft warm blanket. During the meditation I received an intuitive feeling that I should smudge the studio with sage and sweet grass, as I had seen other healing practitioners do. I knew that smudging is an ancient spiritual purification practice, but I didn't understand what physical benefits smudging offers from a scientific standpoint, so I dug into some research on the matter and found some scientifically backed benefits of smudging. 

The reason smudging offers physical health benefits is due to the negative ions created when certain herbs are burned. A molecule which loses an electron is positively charged and a molecule which attracts an electron is negatively charged. In a negative ion rich atmosphere, one will feel happy, invigorated and less tired. These great benefits occur because the brain chemicals serotonin and melatonin are automatically increased. Negative ion environments will also promote deeper, more satisfying sleep, which is why we experience very fulfilling sleep by the sea; another area full of negatively charged ions. You will also feel the impact of these molecules in areas near waterfalls and streams where water is moving quickly. There are plenty of resources on line that teach how to smudge using plants for spiritual or physical purposes, so research and give it a try if you would like to feel happy, well rested, energetic and refreshed. 

Jennifer Szabo

Transformational Wellness Coach

Licensed Zumba Fitness Instructor

Yoga instructor

 

 

 

 

 

What my infant taught me about relationships

Children are beautiful and amazing beings, and what I like most about them is that you can feel the miracle of life surrounding them with each of their new discoveries. As adults, we fancy ourselves as being wise with our experiences of life, and our knowledge of the world around us, but how often do we abandon our critical, conditioned mind to reside in our hearts? Babies and children are masters of this art that adults spend countless yoga classes and hours on end meditating to achieve. 

Over the past ten months bonding with and observing my babies interactions, I've discovered how to have more fulfilling relationships in general with my son as my ultimate teacher. 

Each day is a new day, and to find joy and happiness on the regular, we should treat every day as such. 

While trying to sleep train my son, I heard the worst screaming and saw the saddest and most desperate acts to gain my love and comfort. Unlike many parents who choose the cry it out method and shut the door while their child cries themselves to sleep, I chose to stay beside the crib and comfort my boy while he went to sleep on his own. This was truly the most gut wrenching experience of my life, which incidentally I abandoned trying after a few nights of mutual torture. I was sure my son would wake in the morning as a mistrusting and disappointed boy. To my great surprise and relief, the morning brought smiles and snuggles typical to prior mornings spent together. I was absolutely convinced that my son had the biggest and most open heart of gold, even after the immense upset just hours before. My son loves me, and I am his whole world.... Unconditionally. 

When this situation is applied to relationships with; husbands, girlfriends, bosses etc. I've learned that as adults, we can show the same level of unconditional love after we've been scared, rejected and disappointed. Letting a situation and the accompanying emotions move through us is the key. We do not need to stifle or gloss over the reality of our very real feelings, rather we need to feel the feelings fully, express them and then let go of the pain to make way for a new day. Many of our small conflicts can be resolved within our hearts without drawing out the issue. I'm reminded of a common question used in conflict resolution circumstances; would you rather be right or happy? This act of letting go  shows others that we care for them and our relationship more than we care about being "right" or proving our point. In forgiving and moving forward we allow space for others to be human when we are able to abandon yesterday's petty disputes. We are saying; yes, I was hurt/ humiliated/ displeased, and I still honor and love you. In moving forward, we free ourselves as well. We are free from the weight and energy of holding on to yesterday's hurt and anger. We are free from needing resolution that involves a third party. We are in charge of our day, and we are free to choose freedom and love when we deliberately abandon yesterday's pain. 

3 Ways to Decrease the Winter Blahs

It's dark at 5 o'clock these days and we can all feel old man winter's grip is here to stay. I can bet that we are all affected by the snow covered and sometimes isolated and dreary days of winter. If you're anything like me, you're experiencing a difficult part of the season....The winter blues. In an effort to maintain physical, mental, spiritual and emotional well being, I decided to create a wellness plan to carry me through to spring. Here are 3 ways you too can beat the winter blahs. 

1. Exercise to get your endorphins going, which will make you feel happy.  Endorphin release varies from person to person. Some people will gain endorphin benefit in 10 minutes, while it might take others 30. When endorphins flood your brain you you feel amazing. This feeling is often referred to as "runners high". This flood of feel good chemicals helps boost your mood and wards off depression. So get your body moving in whatever way feels good to you, and remember: the best exercise is the one you actually want  to do. 

2. Schedule a social life. Plan at least one activity each week to look forward to. This will help to cure loneliness and create human connections that are a vital part of winter wellness. 

3. Eat feel good foods

According to Julia Ross, MA:

"Eat wisely. This means, pushing away the leftover cake and eating sensible carbs to stimulate serotonin. Sweets and simple carbs, like white rice and white bread, quickly raise blood sugar, flood you with insulin, and then drop you in to a hole. Eating wisely also means watching the caffeine, which suppresses serotonin. "If you must drink coffee, save it for after the meal, Ross also recommends a nutritional supplement called 5HTP, which raises serotonin levels. This is not for everybody, read all labels carefully. 5HTP should only be taken for a short period, to bump up serotonin levels, which will then stay elevated. "You don't take it forever," she says.

Protein, she says, should be eaten three times a day. Another good rule is to eat four cups of brightly colored veggies a day. "This is enough to fill a (pardon the expression) 1 quart ice cream container." Vegetables are carbs, but the kind that feed into your system slowly.

Samantha Heller, MS, RD, says it's best to substitute fruit for cookies and chocolate ice cream. In general, the good carbs of veggies, fruit, and beans help energy levels.

Applying these simple strategies to your winter rut will increase energy, mood, health and overall vitality. Hang in there, Spring is just around the corner. 

What to Look For When Hiring a Life Coach

There's a lot of buzz around life coaches and the coaching industry these days, and there should be. Working with a great coach will definitely have tremendous benefits for anyone who is committed to investing in themselves and their personal and professional growth. In an industry that didn't exist 20 years ago, having your own coach is all the rage for some, and a concept riddled in skepticism for others.

It is a well known fact that life coaching is not a regulated profession, and basically anyone can call themselves a coach without attending any training, or having any sort of certification. That being said, while I attended my college coaching program, I witnessed classmates graduate whom I wouldn't let coach my dog. So your first step in hiring a legitimate coach would be to find a coach with skill and coaching know how, and to avoid the frauds and ego maniacs. 

How will you know if your coach is competent?

You can't necessarily read the testimonials on their website to determine their level of skill- it is very easy to ask a close friend for a testimonial, which I'm sure would be positive regardless of their progress as a client ( not to mention, in my professional opinion it would be unethical to work with family and close friends to begin with), so don't blindly base your choice on a few website testimonials that could be false. Instead, put your feelers out for people who had great success with a coaching relationship, and trust word of mouth advertising. Once you've found a few candidates based on word of mouth.......

You need to interview a few coaches to find the right fit for you.

Yes, I said interview your candidates! After all, you will be forming an intimate, long term professional relationship with this person, so you need to feel comfortable with them. Most coaches offer a complimentary assessment, so use that time to determine if they will be a good fit for you. Trust your instincts, and give yourself permission to immediately walk away from a coach who you don't feel good around. Ask a lot of questions around the areas you would like to work on; for example, if you are looking to start a small business, your coach better own a successful business. If you're looking to improve your image, your coach better look and dress the part. if you're seeking a coach to help you in the area of romantic relationships, you'd be wise not to choose the coach who has been in a stagnant relationship for 20 years, and is sleeping with her neighbor, and her neighbor's neighbor to spice things up a little...... Unless that's what you're into, of course ;)

Is your coach operating from a place of mental and emotional clarity and well being?

A wise bit of advice I took away from my counseling courses was; every helper/ coach/ therapist should have their own therapist. Why? Because having a good therapist makes you healthy, not crazy. In other words, if your coach is actively seeking to improve their life, and keep their own mental and emotional windshield fog free, they will be better at non judgement, and they will be less apt to project their own desires, fears and insecurities on to you. They will be more self aware. 

If your coach gives you advice..... RUN

Lastly, beware the advice giver! The premise of coaching is to empower clients with the ability to weigh options, check in with their feelings and create a problem solving mentality that they will carry forward through life's challenges. The coach who gives you answers and solutions has robbed the client of the greatest gift coaching has to offer; empowerment. You will quickly gain an understanding of your potential coaches skill level if you ask them if they give their clients advice.  

Hopefully these tips will help you to chose a coach that is a great fit for you while embarking on the awesome journey that is life coaching. 

6 Easy Relationship Building Communication Tips

When we think of the word communication, and what it means to communicate, we usually think about speaking and expressing our thoughts, opinions and feelings. Most of the time we totally forget about listening in the communication equation, but we were given two ears and one mouth for a reason! If you want to be an excellent communicator, in many situations you should be speaking half as often as you are listening. These 5 skills will help you to become a compassionate and attentive listener who others want to be open and honest with.

1.     Ask what’s wrong and really listen. Let the speaker vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings. Show the person that they have your full attention through eye contact and focused body language. Resist the urge to give advice or jump into problem solving mode. Sometimes all the speaker needs is to vent, be heard and witnessed. We’ve all been in situations where we want to talk about our bad day, or family problems, and the listener is distracted or ends up talking the whole time, and we haven’t had a chance to say what’s on our mind. This will leave us feeling frustrated and unheard. Become a better listener, and you will be amazed by how your relationships improve.

2.    Reframe what you hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they are saying so the speaker knows you are hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For example, if your friend is talking about family problems, you might find yourself saying; “It looks like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like you’re feeling hurt” The speaker will understand that you are hearing them and empathizing with their situation. What a great feeling.

3.    Ask about feelings. Ask the speaker to expand on what they’re feeling. Asking about their feelings provides an emotional release, and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of the situation. Many of us are accustomed to sticking to the facts of the story, without getting into the underlying problem, which is how we are feeling about the situation. As a whole our society has become shut down emotionally, and people miss out on the huge benefit of identifying feelings and expressing them. Ask your friends and family about their feelings, and they will gain insight into themselves, and gradually feel comfortable getting vulnerable with you.

4.    Keep the focus on them. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus on them until they feel better. We’ve all been there; you ask a friend to go for coffee so you can discuss something that is bothering you. As soon as you disclose the problem, you friend starts talking about a similar struggle that they are facing, and the conversation never comes back to your problem. This is a very common communication issue that leaves the speaker feeling unimportant and frustrated. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring the focus back to the speaker quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel genuinely cared for and understood.

5.    Trust the process. It might feel a little foreign/ scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and hearing someone you care about discussing upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. However, offering a supportive ear and sitting with someone in an uncomfortable place is the most helpful thing you can do. Once those feelings have been expressed and cleared out, the solutions can start coming.

6.    Don’t give advice. It’s tempting to want to immediately give advice and “fix” someone’s problem. Unless it’s specifically asked for, don’t. While you are trying to help, what might work for you may not work for others. Unless someone directly asks for your advice, they probably just want to feel heard and understood, and can find their own solutions.

Developing these skills will benefit relationships within family, friendships and on the job. Go ahead and practice some of these skills today in life’s learning laboratory and see how your conversations get better. 

Awesome Zumba Class- New Song Michael Franti- I'm Alive

How to Never Make the Wrong Decision Again

If you're anything like me, you've seen your fair share of bad decisions. Whether it was that one last shot of tequila, dating a psycho or taking a holiday from working and living off your visa, you've probably reflected back on some of your life choices and asked yourself; what the hell was I thinking?! While making mistakes and learning from them is a part of our passage to adulthood, some of us (ahem, cough, cough) keep making the same type of mistake over and over again. Well, there's good news; you don't have to anymore. I'm sure by this point you are thinking this is just too good to be true, but I've had MANY clients benefit from this exercise. In fact, people have told me that the information I'm about to share with you has made a profound improvement on their life, to the point that their life's path has taken them totally off course to a completely different and better place. 

You see, if you know yourself and what is really important to you, and you base your decisions on your core beliefs, you will see results in your life that are a reflection of your most authentic self. So, what is this magic tool that will help you to make great decisions? 

CREATING A VALUES LIST- take some time to quietly reflect on your personal values, and compose a list once you have developed 10- 15 of your top values. Rank your values from most important to least important. For example, my top values are:

Freedom

Family

Music

Knowledge and learning

Security

Connection

Vulnerability

Humor

Ambition

Financial independence

Meditation

Health and Wellness

Esthetics

Creativity

Therefore, my business where I work as a fitness instructor and life coach are totally in alignment with my core values. I chose my career path based on said values, and left my cushy government job.  Guess what? I have never looked back. I absolutely love coaching, writing and fitness. Likewise, if you are encountering some turbulence in any aspect of your life, it's a safe bet that one of your values is being neglected, so look over your list to gain clarity as to how the situation can become better through honoring your values, and making the necessary changes to allow that value to gain presence in your job/ relationship/ family life etc.! 

Keep your values list on your phone or in your wallet for quick and easy access. 

If you want to change your life for the better, consult your values list whenever you are faced with tough decisions, and watch your authentic life begin to unfold. 

5 Ways to Love Your Imperfect Body

Thinking about how long it took to feel comfortable in my own skin feels utterly exhausting. I still remember the first time I understood that bodies were judged as either good or bad based on their size. I was 7 years old. I was playing with a friend outside one summer day, when she casually said “My dad said the only reason you have bigger boobs than me is because they are full of fat” In this moment I not only felt ashamed of my breasts, but I also decided that I was fat, which I assumed meant defective.

After that comment, I began a romance with my obsession to be thin that would last for years to come. This obsession to be skinny was fueled by pressure from family, peers and the media.

In my quest to be thin, I tried using laxatives, purging, crash diets, diet pills and short stints of anorexia (I really loved food too much for abstinence to be a viable option ;)). In hind sight, there was no way that I could have been fat, between competing as a gymnast and playing every sport my school had to offer, I was actually very fit and healthy. Looking back on photos of vacations where I had anxiety attacks poolside due to my self loathing, I can see clearly now that I actually looked fabulous in my bikini. Not perfect, but healthy, athletic and fit.

So, after 27 years of struggling to accept my physique, I had a huge epiphany last week that showed me I have finally healed. A visiting relative whom I haven’t seen for 10 years said to me immediately upon my arrival at a gathering, “step back so I can have a look at you” I did step back a little shocked by her audacity. She looked me up and down and said “you look pretty good, but you’ve still got a long way to go”. Being that I am only four months post pardom, and taught fitness classes up to my ninth month of pregnancy, I almost burst out laughing at the utter lunacy of the comment. I almost burst out laughing, rather than bursting into tears which would have been the case just a few years ago. It was in that moment I realized that I was finally free, baby belly and all. Free from the criticisms of my family, society and past partners. Free from the hatred I’d felt for my imperfect figure for almost three decades. This new found freedom got me thinking about how I did it. How I very slowly chipped away at the ugly thoughts about my body until only love remained. My hope in writing this article is to save you time, the one thing you can never get back. Don’t wait three decades to respect and appreciate your body, start healing now.   

1.     RESEARCH YOUR ASS OFF- (no pun intended) regarding how the media and corporations profit from having consumers hate their physical appearance. If we were all truly content with the way we looked, the diet products industry, which was worth $61.6 billion USD in 2012 would be miniscule. The more the veil is lifted, and you fully understand how companies make big money off of our insecurities, the more you will understand that the standards we are trying so desperately to achieve are manipulative illusions. Also, look into the different cultural beauty ideals around the world to understand that there is not only the one unobtainable North American definition of beauty.

2.     MEDITATE- Get back in tune with the body you divorced through meditation. In this quiet space recite some body positive affirmations. Thank your heart for beating, your lungs for working, your legs for faithfully carrying you through your days and your arms for carrying your children without fail. Take time every day to show your body gratitude. If you are new to meditation, the web is a great resource for guided body love meditations.   

3.     PARTICIPATE IN A PHYSICAL ACTIVITY YOU LOVE- So many people sign up for that “new years resolution” gym membership on January 1^st, and force themselves to attend the gym three to five times per week ……. for about three months. The reason people don’t fulfill their fitness goals is because they choose an activity they have to force themselves to do. What is the best exercise for weight loss? The exercise you will actually do. So, when choosing a physical activity to help you in your mission to love your body, pick something you really enjoy! Not only will your workouts be filled with passion and get you in shape, they will also help you to build your self esteem and reconnect with your body. An archery class that makes you feel alive will certainly get you further than sitting on your couch looking at your dusty yoga membership you used six times last year.

4.     WRITE YOUR BODY AN APOLOGY NOTE- Have you ever written a letter or email to someone you have treated badly but can’t live without? Well, this is the same thing. Think of the negative thoughts and behaviours you have directed toward your body, get as real with this activity as possible and write down the thoughts and behaviours you are apologizing for. Use detail and feel the pain that comes with rehashing your body bashing. Then write out a list of the things your body does right. Make a list of all the things you appreciate about your body; how it is disease free, gets you from point A to point B on foot or allows you to carry your children etc. As a client of mine with rheumatoid arthritis reminded me yesterday; you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. Finally, write how you will behave in the future towards your figure. Again, be detailed. Write to your body as though you are it’s new protector, hero and biggest fan.

     BE AWARE OF OTHER PEOPLES JEALOUSY AND PROJECTIONS- Healthy, normal people don't go around tearing others down. If someone makes an unwelcome comment about your body, there is something sad and insecure about them, not you. They are dumping their insecurities on you. For example, I know man who works out obsessively, diets and takes legal and illegal supplements. He looks amazing (think GQ magazine) but constantly complains that he's getting fat and old. This man is very insecure. In turn, he tells his wife constantly that she's getting fat and old. That's how projections work; we conveniently and unconsciously place our own fears and insecurities on others, rather than heal the issue for ourselves. Through understanding this psychological phenomena, I was able to see that most of the comments from others about my weight were their own issue and not mine. BUT for years I took on those comments, internalized them and felt ashamed of my physical appearance. I've had people putting me down for years who were uncomfortable with me shining my light of confidence and happiness around them. So, take a good look at the "haters" in your life and ask yourself these questions:

What do I have that they want?

What is this person insecure about?

How does this person benefit from putting me down?

In this moment I give you full permission to begin the process of loving your body no matter what the scale says or how much cellulite you have. Whether you love or hate your body, it is yours for life. So,why not live your days loving? The choice is yours. 

5.     

How to Get Unstuck and Start Living a Life You Love

As a Job Coach working government contracts, I was responsible for coaching some of the most “stuck” people you could imagine. Stuck in negative thinking patterns, stuck in victim mentality, stuck in their lot in life. In my experience, the quickest way to help people to become unstuck is to start talking about death. The aknowledgement that one day, which could be sooner rather than later, everyone dies and nobody gets out of life alive, seems to be the turning point for many people who desperately need elements of their life to be different. When people are acutely aware of their own expiration, they also become aware of their dreams of a life they wanted for themselves but let go of along the way. While most of us have heard the term “bucket list”, I often wonder how many of us have actually taken the time to contemplate and write a list of goals that we will accomplish before we die. I bet the number is quite small, and I can bet that fewer still have started checking off the goals on their lists. Is the reason we fail to set lofty life goals due to the fact that we are truly content with the legacy that is our life? I think not. 
Bronnie Ware, an Austrailian palliative care nurse discovered the top five regrets of the dying while working closely with patients in their last 12 weeks of life. Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. 

The top 5 regrets of her dying patients are as follows:

   1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, and not the life others expected of me.
   2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
   3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

   4. I wish I stayed in touch with friends.

   5. I wish I allowed myself to be happier.

   Now, which of the top 5 regrets struck a nerve for you? was it one, or all of the regrets that you can relate to? You may be feeling a little down thinking about this delicate subject matter, but I've got great news; you are still alive! You can still accomplish your bucket list, contact old friends or work less. So take a moment to think about your death every day. Ask yourself; if I died tomorrow, what would I regret? How would I want to spend the last days/ months/ years of my precious time on earth? And then start doing those things. You always had, and always will have the authority to create whatever kind of life you want while you are still here. What a vibrant and freeing thought that you could live a life you love, enabling you to die without regrets. There's still time to make changes, so get out there and live!

3 Ways to Build Self Esteem

Self Esteem: Confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.

We've all experienced life's ups and downs, and we've all felt world shattering blows to our confidence and self perception. Personally, I have rarely felt more clear and exhilarated than I felt in the moment I realized that I was 100% responsible for my life circumstances, how I was treated and how I felt about myself. In that moment everything changed. I felt powerful and alive, no longer making excuses for myself or others, and no longer playing the victim role. Once I understood that I alone was in charge of showing myself and others what I was worth and how much I valued me, my whole reality shifted for the better. I guess that's why it's called SELF esteem; YOU are in charge of it. Here are three ways to improve your self esteem and in turn your relationships and your life. 

1. Surround yourself with positive people

"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with" - Jim Rohn. 

Constantly complaining about friends, family and coworkers? Maybe it's time to look in the mirror if the people you associate with most are negative, insecure energy drainers, because chances are good that their outlook has rubbed off on you. When you are around positive people, you can't help but become more positive, happy and full of life, so eliminate or limit your time spent with people who you don't feel great around. 

2. Set achievable goals

When you have confidence in your ability to do things, you are more likely to accomplish more. So set daily and monthly goals. Start with small goals such as "clean out two kitchen drawers" or " jog for 1 extra minute each day". Pretty soon you will have the confidence to set larger goals because that's how self esteem works; the more you feed it the more it can eat, and the more self confident you become. 

3. Be happy with you just as you are in every moment. 

Creating self esteem isn't just about doing and achieving more, rather, it's about creating a balance between accepting who you are and being who you want to become. Be gentle on yourself more often. Learn to love who you are. When you are bashing yourself for who you are or a mistake you've made, ask yourself this simple question: how would I respond to my best friend if they did the same thing? This will allow for more self compassion, which will boost your self esteem. 

 

Jennifer Szabo

Certified Wellness Counselor

Certified Life Coach

Licensed Zumba Fitness Instructor

4 Awesome DIY Makeover Tips to Make You Look Young and Chic

Have you been feeling like your look could use a quick pick-me-up before summer? Dry skin and less than radiant winter complexion got you down?  With continued use of these all-natural home beautifying methods, you’re sure to look and feel younger and more polished just in time for our favorite Shuswap season.

1.     Avocado Hair Mask- Avocados are full of proteins and vitamins, including A,D,E and B6 as well as magnesium, folic acid, amino acids, copper and iron- all of which can help with hair growth and nourishment. Avocado and olive oil are a dream team for a half hour hair mask that will leave your strands shiny and growth prone. Follow this simple routine once per week for best results:

·      Mix one tablespoon olive oil and half a mashed avocado.

·      Spread mix on tresses from roots to ends (if you have greasy hair, don’t cover roots)

·      Once the mixture is spread evenly over hair, cover with shower cap or plastic cling wrap, and blow dry for 10 minutes

·      Rinse, shampoo and condition hair

2.     All Natural Teeth Whitening- Nothing brightens a face like well kempt pearly whites. To whiten your smile for a youthful and polished appearance, follow this easy and inexpensive toothpaste recipe:

·      Mix 1 part peroxide with 2 parts baking soda (modify recipe for preferred consistency)

·      Add a few drops of pure peppermint oil to taste

·      Brush teeth for 2 minutes and rinse thoroughly with water.

·      Repeat twice per day for at least two weeks to see a noticeably whiter smile

3.     Lemon Juice Facial- The acid in lemons exfoliates dead skin- making it look brighter, as well as lightens age spots and freckles. For a miniscule fraction of the cost of a spa treatment (typically $100 and up), you can perform a nightly facial peel in the comfort of your own home for pennies. The treatment will cause a slight tingling/ burning sensation, if you experience great discomfort, rinse face with water and discontinue use.

·      Squeeze fresh lemon juice into container/ use pre squeezed pure lemon juice

·      Pour a tea spoon of lemon juice onto a paper towel or clean cloth

·      Wipe juice all over face

·      Repeat, giving age spots extra care

·      Apply sunscreen to skin following treatment

·      Repeat daily

4.     Coconut Oil Hand and Body Scrub- The benefits of coconut oil on skin are numerous; sun protection, bacteria and fungus fighting, acts as antioxidant and minimizes the appearance of wrinkles to name a few. That is why this DIY body scrub is so awesome. Use it daily on face, hands and body for exfoliating and moisturizing bliss:

·      Heat 1 cup coconut oil in a stovetop pot until it becomes liquid

·      Add half cup of quick oats to pot

·      Add a quarter cup olive oil

·      Add a quarter cup of coffee grounds to pot (add more for more exfoliation)

·      Add a dash of vanilla for aroma

Stir ingredients together and pour into storage container. Stir mixture occasionally until it begins to harden. Store at room temperature or above (the shower is a great place to store and use this delicious scrub)

Wellness Tips- Little Investment with Great Returns

One huge component of holistic wellness is the mental element, for I would be so bold as to say all wellness starts with your mind set. Thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to actions, and actions lead to results! So, without spending a wad of cash on a therapist or coach, I'm going to discuss three common thought patterns that get us in trouble all the time. If you can be aware of this stinking thinking, and remedy it when it rears it's ugly head, you are guaranteed to feel more balanced, positive and in control of your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical states.  

The first culprit is Jumping to Conclusions. When this nasty villain is working it's magic on us, without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us. For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

So, how do you untwist this thinking? By using the Survey Method: ask people questions to determine whether your thoughts and feelings are realistic. Often times by opening up a dialogue with people, we are able to see that our made up explanations of other peoples behavior are bogus, and even laughable. It is truly freeing when you realize that other peoples worlds don't revolve around us, and our negative perceptions are just that, perceptions. 

The second cognitive distortion on this list is Filtering. When filtering, we take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

Free your mind by using the Examine the Evidence technique: Instead of assuming that your negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully. This allows you to see a more accurate and complete picture of the situation, and can often relieve stress and anxiety. 

Last but not least is Polarized Thinking (Black and white thinking) In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

As humans, we are guilty of this negative thought pattern far more than most of us are aware, so what can we do to remedy it? Thinking in Shades of gray: Although this method may sound drab, the effects can be illuminating. Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, evaluate things on a scale of 0 to 100. When things don't work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete failure. See what you can learn from the situation. Finding the gray area on a regular basis will liberate you. 

Those are some remedies for a few of the common thinking distortions. If you can identify those distortions as they come up, with some practice you can train your brain to immediately find some positive alternatives to your negative Nelly thought patterns. Using cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques on a regular basis can completely transform your life, and how you see the world. With some awareness, desire and discipline, you will become a way happier captain of your own ship. 

Jennifer Szabo

Certified Wellness Counselor

Certified Life Coach

Licensed Zumba Fitness Instructor

The Amazing Benefits of Meditation

First off, I think it is important to define the term due to the mass confusion surrounding the act of meditation. Meditation simply put is a deep and profound peace that occurs while the mind is silent, yet completely alert. Meditation is a state of thoughtless awareness. It is not an act of doing- It is merely a state of awareness.  Truly, one person could be in a meditative state while completing daily work duties, while another could be very far from meditation while sitting quietly in a lotus position on top of a mountain for hours. Now that we have discussed the simple truth of what meditation is, let’s take a look at what meditation isn’t. Meditation is not an act of religious worship. While meditation is incorporated in some religious philosophies such as Baha’i and Buddhism, meditation- the art of awareness can be practiced by any

yone from religious cats and spiritual folk to the good ‘old atheists. A peaceful, silent and aware mind has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with stress reduction and self -awareness. While a person does not need to identify with any particular group to meditate, an open mind is definitely a desirable trait to get started with. Meditation is not a state of mind that can only be achieved by gurus or enlightened people. Personally, I underwent a full year of hour-long nightly meditation in 2008. I taught myself to meditate and incorporated bits of energy balancing visualizations that had been introduced briefly in my college courses. I basically winged it, and within a few months I was arriving in a mental, emotional and physical headspace that I knew without a doubt was the silent, peaceful awareness I was aiming for.

Now that we have demystified meditation to some degree, let’s take a look at some of the amazing health benefits that one can obtain through regular meditation. The following information is presented in a recent Harvard University study. State of mind affects the human body on a physical and genetic level, as

Far more “disease fighting genes” were active in practitioners of yoga and meditation, compared to those who practiced no form of relaxation. For example, in the meditating sample group, the “disease fighting genes” that were “turned on” protect against pain, infertility, high blood pressure and rheumatoid arthritis. Harvard then asked a separate control group to practice relaxation methods (meditation, yoga, mantras or repetitive prayer) every day for 15 minutes, and at the two-month mark, bodies changed. Genes that fight inflammation, kill diseased cells and protect against cancer began to “switch on”. Harvard lists the benefits experienced by the test group after two months of daily relaxation techniques, which are:

                     Improved Immunity

Emotional Balance

Increased Fertility

Improved IBS

Lower Blood Pressure

Reduced or cured inflammation

 Calmness

In short, meditation does not discriminate. Anyone looking to gain the amazing physical, mental, spiritual and emotional benefits of meditation can, in roughly two months if practiced correctly. The following is a meditation exercise you can get started with today. What are you waiting for? health and wellness are just around the corner.

Body Scan Meditation

Lie on your back with your legs uncrossed, your arms at your sides, palms up, and your eyes open or closed, as you wish. Focus on your Breathing, how the air moves in and out of your body. After several deep breaths, as you begin to feel comfortable and relaxed, direct your attention to the toes of your left foot. Tune into any sensations in that part of your body while remaining aware of your Breathing. It often helps to imagine each breath flowing to the spot where you're directing your attention. Focus on your left toes for one to two minutes.

Then move your focus to the sole of your left foot and hold it there for a minute or two while continuing to pay attention to your breathing. Follow the same procedure as you move to your left ankle, calf, knees, thigh, hip and so on all around the body. Pay particular attention to any areas that cause pain or are the focus of any medical condition (for Asthma, the lungs; for Diabetes, the pancreas). Pay particular attention to the head: the jaw, chin, lips, tongue, roof of the mouth, nostrils, throat, cheeks, eyelids, eyes, eyebrows, forehead, temples and scalp.

Finally, focus on the very top of your hair, the uppermost part of your body. Then let go of the body altogether, and in your mind, hover above yourself as your breath reaches beyond you and touches the universe.

This exercise was contributed by: www.holistic-online.com.

            

Create Mind Body Spirit Balance Through Holistic Wellness

What the Heck is Holistic Wellness?

At one time I was working government contracts as a Job Coach/ Trainer, and I was asked to create life coaching curriculum to motivate people to pursue further education or gain meaningful employment. This was a challenging endeavor as most of my clients were not physically/ mentally/spiritually or emotionally well due to the ups and downs of life, and being handed the short end of life's stick a few too many times. So, I created holistic wellness workshops to get the group thinking about creating health and wellness in their own lives, which was the first step in moving toward their educational or career goals. I mean, how on earth is someone expected to find and maintain employment when they are struggling with anxiety/ depression/ chronic illness / low self esteem etc? It was through this workshop and the practice of holistic wellness that I watched my clients transform their lives. 

Imagine a circle cut into four equal pie shaped parts. Each part represents an aspect of you that needs to be nourished in order to lead a happy, healthy and satisfying life. These parts are working collaboratively to balance your being. We can label these parts: physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. The name for this pie and its four encompassed parts is the wellness wheel. The principle behind the wellness wheel is that you are the wheel made up of four key wellness elements that work in unison to create wellness or unhappiness. All four parts need to be feeding and nurturing each other in order for the whole to function optimally. For instance, when we treat our bodies to exercise, our brains produce many " feel good chemicals" that assist in creating a positive mood, which in turn promotes healthy thought patterns. This example depicts how our physical quadrant is directly responsible for improving emotional and mental health. Likewise, if we focus on our spiritual practice (whatever that looks like for you personally- shamanism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism- if it feels good do it) we will typically feel a sense of inner peace, connectedness and trust in our life's path, which leads to stronger emotional and mental wellness. When we visit our doctor with complaints of an unexplained ailment, often times we are asked if we are experiencing stress in our lives, this is because healthcare professionals are acutely aware of the link between our mental and physical health. The point is, each quadrant in the wellness wheel is deeply intertwined, and if a person chooses to take small steps each day to focus on the improvement of each piece of the wellness wheel, great improvements are on the horizon. 

The following are some examples of activities that can be practiced to enhance your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional wellness, with one hour of dedication per day, you will be creating a happy, healthy and whole life. You deserve it. 

Physical- 

Exercise 3 times per week for a minimum of 30 minutes

Get your finances in order

Rearrange your living space, declutter

Try an organic raw food cleanse

Get tested for allergies

Create and repeat daily body positive affirmations 

Mental-

Practice crossword puzzles daily

Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy methods

Study a subject that stimulates you

Read a book

Spiritual-

Practice Meditation

Attend a drum circle

Join a church

Sit quietly in nature

Spend time with children

Sing

Emotional-

Seek counseling for unresolved issues

Connect with supportive family and friends

Read a self help book

Listen to uplifting music

Forgive yourself and others

What are you waiting for? Health and wellness are just around the corner!