Ask This Question to Squash Winter Blues

Life coaching is all about asking strategic questions that empower the client to create positive changes in their lives. While some questions are fairly standard problem solvers, others can have a very profound impact on our consciousness. One of my favorite questions can be helpful this time of year when combating seasonal sadness in the sunless Shuswap. Through the winter, due to a lack of light, our bodies produce less serotonin which is a chemical that helps us to feel good, and elevates our mood. Less serotonin can lead to moodiness, sadness, loss of energy, depression etc. for anyone who suffers from a mild case of the winter blues, this question is a great pick me up. This question prompts us to make choices from our highest self. This question helps to immediately shed the petty behavior of the ego. This question is a motivator. This question brings us from victim mentality to a place of power. This question is so effective, and yet so simple. This question is:

What would I do if I were absolutely awesome?

What would you do? 

When you decide what awesome looks like to you, and you shift into your awesomeness you will modify your behavior in positive ways, and one awesome act will prompt the energy, courage and gumption for other positive actions. 

If you can incorporate this one question into every dreary winter day, and follow through with a fabulous behavior, believe me, the results will be big. Your level of life satisfaction and mental happiness will remain high through the gray, cold days to come. What are you waiting for? What would you do right now if you were absolutely awesome? Now go do it, be awesome, the choice is yours. 

Jennifer Szabo

Transformational Wellness Coach

Licensed Zumba Fitness Instructor

Yoga instructor

The Science of Smudging

In the process of creating a comfortable and cozy home yoga studio, I wanted to give the space positive energy before I opened the doors to the community. The decor was calming and simple, and I wanted clients to feel an instant comfort as they entered the large empty room.  In my experience, rooms that are used for meditation carry a very fresh and clean feeling, so I decided to meditate in the space, with the intention of filling the space with the loving feeling of being wrapped in a soft warm blanket. During the meditation I received an intuitive feeling that I should smudge the studio with sage and sweet grass, as I had seen other healing practitioners do. I knew that smudging is an ancient spiritual purification practice, but I didn't understand what physical benefits smudging offers from a scientific standpoint, so I dug into some research on the matter and found some scientifically backed benefits of smudging. 

The reason smudging offers physical health benefits is due to the negative ions created when certain herbs are burned. A molecule which loses an electron is positively charged and a molecule which attracts an electron is negatively charged. In a negative ion rich atmosphere, one will feel happy, invigorated and less tired. These great benefits occur because the brain chemicals serotonin and melatonin are automatically increased. Negative ion environments will also promote deeper, more satisfying sleep, which is why we experience very fulfilling sleep by the sea; another area full of negatively charged ions. You will also feel the impact of these molecules in areas near waterfalls and streams where water is moving quickly. There are plenty of resources on line that teach how to smudge using plants for spiritual or physical purposes, so research and give it a try if you would like to feel happy, well rested, energetic and refreshed. 

Jennifer Szabo

Transformational Wellness Coach

Licensed Zumba Fitness Instructor

Yoga instructor

 

 

 

 

 

What my infant taught me about relationships

Children are beautiful and amazing beings, and what I like most about them is that you can feel the miracle of life surrounding them with each of their new discoveries. As adults, we fancy ourselves as being wise with our experiences of life, and our knowledge of the world around us, but how often do we abandon our critical, conditioned mind to reside in our hearts? Babies and children are masters of this art that adults spend countless yoga classes and hours on end meditating to achieve. 

Over the past ten months bonding with and observing my babies interactions, I've discovered how to have more fulfilling relationships in general with my son as my ultimate teacher. 

Each day is a new day, and to find joy and happiness on the regular, we should treat every day as such. 

While trying to sleep train my son, I heard the worst screaming and saw the saddest and most desperate acts to gain my love and comfort. Unlike many parents who choose the cry it out method and shut the door while their child cries themselves to sleep, I chose to stay beside the crib and comfort my boy while he went to sleep on his own. This was truly the most gut wrenching experience of my life, which incidentally I abandoned trying after a few nights of mutual torture. I was sure my son would wake in the morning as a mistrusting and disappointed boy. To my great surprise and relief, the morning brought smiles and snuggles typical to prior mornings spent together. I was absolutely convinced that my son had the biggest and most open heart of gold, even after the immense upset just hours before. My son loves me, and I am his whole world.... Unconditionally. 

When this situation is applied to relationships with; husbands, girlfriends, bosses etc. I've learned that as adults, we can show the same level of unconditional love after we've been scared, rejected and disappointed. Letting a situation and the accompanying emotions move through us is the key. We do not need to stifle or gloss over the reality of our very real feelings, rather we need to feel the feelings fully, express them and then let go of the pain to make way for a new day. Many of our small conflicts can be resolved within our hearts without drawing out the issue. I'm reminded of a common question used in conflict resolution circumstances; would you rather be right or happy? This act of letting go  shows others that we care for them and our relationship more than we care about being "right" or proving our point. In forgiving and moving forward we allow space for others to be human when we are able to abandon yesterday's petty disputes. We are saying; yes, I was hurt/ humiliated/ displeased, and I still honor and love you. In moving forward, we free ourselves as well. We are free from the weight and energy of holding on to yesterday's hurt and anger. We are free from needing resolution that involves a third party. We are in charge of our day, and we are free to choose freedom and love when we deliberately abandon yesterday's pain. 

3 Ways to Decrease the Winter Blahs

It's dark at 5 o'clock these days and we can all feel old man winter's grip is here to stay. I can bet that we are all affected by the snow covered and sometimes isolated and dreary days of winter. If you're anything like me, you're experiencing a difficult part of the season....The winter blues. In an effort to maintain physical, mental, spiritual and emotional well being, I decided to create a wellness plan to carry me through to spring. Here are 3 ways you too can beat the winter blahs. 

1. Exercise to get your endorphins going, which will make you feel happy.  Endorphin release varies from person to person. Some people will gain endorphin benefit in 10 minutes, while it might take others 30. When endorphins flood your brain you you feel amazing. This feeling is often referred to as "runners high". This flood of feel good chemicals helps boost your mood and wards off depression. So get your body moving in whatever way feels good to you, and remember: the best exercise is the one you actually want  to do. 

2. Schedule a social life. Plan at least one activity each week to look forward to. This will help to cure loneliness and create human connections that are a vital part of winter wellness. 

3. Eat feel good foods

According to Julia Ross, MA:

"Eat wisely. This means, pushing away the leftover cake and eating sensible carbs to stimulate serotonin. Sweets and simple carbs, like white rice and white bread, quickly raise blood sugar, flood you with insulin, and then drop you in to a hole. Eating wisely also means watching the caffeine, which suppresses serotonin. "If you must drink coffee, save it for after the meal, Ross also recommends a nutritional supplement called 5HTP, which raises serotonin levels. This is not for everybody, read all labels carefully. 5HTP should only be taken for a short period, to bump up serotonin levels, which will then stay elevated. "You don't take it forever," she says.

Protein, she says, should be eaten three times a day. Another good rule is to eat four cups of brightly colored veggies a day. "This is enough to fill a (pardon the expression) 1 quart ice cream container." Vegetables are carbs, but the kind that feed into your system slowly.

Samantha Heller, MS, RD, says it's best to substitute fruit for cookies and chocolate ice cream. In general, the good carbs of veggies, fruit, and beans help energy levels.

Applying these simple strategies to your winter rut will increase energy, mood, health and overall vitality. Hang in there, Spring is just around the corner. 

What to Look For When Hiring a Life Coach

There's a lot of buzz around life coaches and the coaching industry these days, and there should be. Working with a great coach will definitely have tremendous benefits for anyone who is committed to investing in themselves and their personal and professional growth. In an industry that didn't exist 20 years ago, having your own coach is all the rage for some, and a concept riddled in skepticism for others.

It is a well known fact that life coaching is not a regulated profession, and basically anyone can call themselves a coach without attending any training, or having any sort of certification. That being said, while I attended my college coaching program, I witnessed classmates graduate whom I wouldn't let coach my dog. So your first step in hiring a legitimate coach would be to find a coach with skill and coaching know how, and to avoid the frauds and ego maniacs. 

How will you know if your coach is competent?

You can't necessarily read the testimonials on their website to determine their level of skill- it is very easy to ask a close friend for a testimonial, which I'm sure would be positive regardless of their progress as a client ( not to mention, in my professional opinion it would be unethical to work with family and close friends to begin with), so don't blindly base your choice on a few website testimonials that could be false. Instead, put your feelers out for people who had great success with a coaching relationship, and trust word of mouth advertising. Once you've found a few candidates based on word of mouth.......

You need to interview a few coaches to find the right fit for you.

Yes, I said interview your candidates! After all, you will be forming an intimate, long term professional relationship with this person, so you need to feel comfortable with them. Most coaches offer a complimentary assessment, so use that time to determine if they will be a good fit for you. Trust your instincts, and give yourself permission to immediately walk away from a coach who you don't feel good around. Ask a lot of questions around the areas you would like to work on; for example, if you are looking to start a small business, your coach better own a successful business. If you're looking to improve your image, your coach better look and dress the part. if you're seeking a coach to help you in the area of romantic relationships, you'd be wise not to choose the coach who has been in a stagnant relationship for 20 years, and is sleeping with her neighbor, and her neighbor's neighbor to spice things up a little...... Unless that's what you're into, of course ;)

Is your coach operating from a place of mental and emotional clarity and well being?

A wise bit of advice I took away from my counseling courses was; every helper/ coach/ therapist should have their own therapist. Why? Because having a good therapist makes you healthy, not crazy. In other words, if your coach is actively seeking to improve their life, and keep their own mental and emotional windshield fog free, they will be better at non judgement, and they will be less apt to project their own desires, fears and insecurities on to you. They will be more self aware. 

If your coach gives you advice..... RUN

Lastly, beware the advice giver! The premise of coaching is to empower clients with the ability to weigh options, check in with their feelings and create a problem solving mentality that they will carry forward through life's challenges. The coach who gives you answers and solutions has robbed the client of the greatest gift coaching has to offer; empowerment. You will quickly gain an understanding of your potential coaches skill level if you ask them if they give their clients advice.  

Hopefully these tips will help you to chose a coach that is a great fit for you while embarking on the awesome journey that is life coaching. 

6 Easy Relationship Building Communication Tips

When we think of the word communication, and what it means to communicate, we usually think about speaking and expressing our thoughts, opinions and feelings. Most of the time we totally forget about listening in the communication equation, but we were given two ears and one mouth for a reason! If you want to be an excellent communicator, in many situations you should be speaking half as often as you are listening. These 5 skills will help you to become a compassionate and attentive listener who others want to be open and honest with.

1.     Ask what’s wrong and really listen. Let the speaker vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings. Show the person that they have your full attention through eye contact and focused body language. Resist the urge to give advice or jump into problem solving mode. Sometimes all the speaker needs is to vent, be heard and witnessed. We’ve all been in situations where we want to talk about our bad day, or family problems, and the listener is distracted or ends up talking the whole time, and we haven’t had a chance to say what’s on our mind. This will leave us feeling frustrated and unheard. Become a better listener, and you will be amazed by how your relationships improve.

2.    Reframe what you hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they are saying so the speaker knows you are hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For example, if your friend is talking about family problems, you might find yourself saying; “It looks like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like you’re feeling hurt” The speaker will understand that you are hearing them and empathizing with their situation. What a great feeling.

3.    Ask about feelings. Ask the speaker to expand on what they’re feeling. Asking about their feelings provides an emotional release, and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of the situation. Many of us are accustomed to sticking to the facts of the story, without getting into the underlying problem, which is how we are feeling about the situation. As a whole our society has become shut down emotionally, and people miss out on the huge benefit of identifying feelings and expressing them. Ask your friends and family about their feelings, and they will gain insight into themselves, and gradually feel comfortable getting vulnerable with you.

4.    Keep the focus on them. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus on them until they feel better. We’ve all been there; you ask a friend to go for coffee so you can discuss something that is bothering you. As soon as you disclose the problem, you friend starts talking about a similar struggle that they are facing, and the conversation never comes back to your problem. This is a very common communication issue that leaves the speaker feeling unimportant and frustrated. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring the focus back to the speaker quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel genuinely cared for and understood.

5.    Trust the process. It might feel a little foreign/ scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and hearing someone you care about discussing upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. However, offering a supportive ear and sitting with someone in an uncomfortable place is the most helpful thing you can do. Once those feelings have been expressed and cleared out, the solutions can start coming.

6.    Don’t give advice. It’s tempting to want to immediately give advice and “fix” someone’s problem. Unless it’s specifically asked for, don’t. While you are trying to help, what might work for you may not work for others. Unless someone directly asks for your advice, they probably just want to feel heard and understood, and can find their own solutions.

Developing these skills will benefit relationships within family, friendships and on the job. Go ahead and practice some of these skills today in life’s learning laboratory and see how your conversations get better. 

Awesome Zumba Class- New Song Michael Franti- I'm Alive