Thursday, June 26, 2014

How to Never Make the Wrong Decision Again

If you're anything like me, you've seen your fair share of bad decisions. Whether it was that one last shot of tequila, dating a psycho or taking a holiday from working and living off your visa, you've probably reflected back on some of your life choices and asked yourself; what the hell was I thinking?! While making mistakes and learning from them is a part of our passage to adulthood, some of us (ahem, cough, cough) keep making the same type of mistake over and over again. Well, there's good news; you don't have to anymore. I'm sure by this point you are thinking this is just too good to be true, but I've had MANY clients benefit from this exercise. In fact, people have told me that the information I'm about to share with you has made a profound improvement on their life, to the point that their life's path has taken them totally off course to a completely different and better place. 
You see, if you know yourself and what is really important to you, and you base your decisions on your core beliefs, you will see results in your life that are a reflection of your most authentic self. So, what is this magic tool that will help you to make great decisions? 
CREATING A VALUES LIST- take some time to quietly reflect on your personal values, and compose a list once you have developed 10- 15 of your top values. Rank your values from most important to least important. For example, my top values are:
Freedom
Family
Music
Knowledge and learning
Security
Connection
Vulnerability
Humor
Ambition
Financial independence
Meditation
Health and Wellness
Esthetics
Creativity
Therefore, my business where I work as a fitness instructor and life coach are totally in alignment with my core values. I chose my career path based on said values, and left my cushy government job.  Guess what? I have never looked back. I absolutely love coaching, writing and fitness. Likewise, if you are encountering some turbulence in any aspect of your life, it's a safe bet that one of your values is being neglected, so look over your list to gain clarity as to how the situation can become better through honoring your values, and making the necessary changes to allow that value to gain presence in your job/ relationship/ family life etc.! 
Keep your values list on your phone or in your wallet for quick and easy access. 
If you want to change your life for the better, consult your values list whenever you are faced with tough decisions, and watch your authentic life begin to unfold. 



Monday, June 23, 2014

5 Ways to Love Your Imperfect Body



Thinking about how long it took to feel comfortable in my own skin feels utterly exhausting. I still remember the first time I understood that bodies were judged as either good or bad based on their size. I was 7 years old. I was playing with a friend outside one summer day, when she casually said “My dad said the only reason you have bigger boobs than me is because they are full of fat” In this moment I not only felt ashamed of my breasts, but I also decided that I was fat, which I assumed meant defective.

After that comment, I began a romance with my obsession to be thin that would last for years to come. This obsession to be skinny was fueled by pressure from family, peers and the media.
In my quest to be thin, I tried using laxatives, purging, crash diets, diet pills and short stints of anorexia (I really loved food too much for abstinence to be a viable option ;)). In hind sight, there was no way that I could have been fat, between competing as a gymnast and playing every sport my school had to offer, I was actually very fit and healthy. Looking back on photos of vacations where I had anxiety attacks poolside due to my self loathing, I can see clearly now that I actually looked fabulous in my bikini. Not perfect, but healthy, athletic and fit.
So, after 27 years of struggling to accept my physique, I had a huge epiphany last week that showed me I have finally healed. A visiting relative whom I haven’t seen for 10 years said to me immediately upon my arrival at a gathering, “step back so I can have a look at you” I did step back a little shocked by her audacity. She looked me up and down and said “you look pretty good, but you’ve still got a long way to go”. Being that I am only four months post pardom, and taught fitness classes up to my ninth month of pregnancy, I almost burst out laughing at the utter lunacy of the comment. I almost burst out laughing, rather than bursting into tears which would have been the case just a few years ago. It was in that moment I realized that I was finally free, baby belly and all. Free from the criticisms of my family, society and past partners. Free from the hatred I’d felt for my imperfect figure for almost three decades. This new found freedom got me thinking about how I did it. How I very slowly chipped away at the ugly thoughts about my body until only love remained. My hope in writing this article is to save you time, the one thing you can never get back. Don’t wait three decades to respect and appreciate your body, start healing now.   

1.     RESEARCH YOUR ASS OFF- (no pun intended) regarding how the media and corporations profit from having consumers hate their physical appearance. If we were all truly content with the way we looked, the diet products industry, which was worth $61.6 billion USD in 2012 would be miniscule. The more the veil is lifted, and you fully understand how companies make big money off of our insecurities, the more you will understand that the standards we are trying so desperately to achieve are manipulative illusions. Also, look into the different cultural beauty ideals around the world to understand that there is not only the one unobtainable North American definition of beauty.

2.     MEDITATE- Get back in tune with the body you divorced through meditation. In this quiet space recite some body positive affirmations. Thank your heart for beating, your lungs for working, your legs for faithfully carrying you through your days and your arms for carrying your children without fail. Take time every day to show your body gratitude. If you are new to meditation, the web is a great resource for guided body love meditations.   

3.     PARTICIPATE IN A PHYSICAL ACTIVITY YOU LOVE- So many people sign up for that “new years resolution” gym membership on January 1st, and force themselves to attend the gym three to five times per week ……. for about three months. The reason people don’t fulfill their fitness goals is because they choose an activity they have to force themselves to do. What is the best exercise for weight loss? The exercise you will actually do. So, when choosing a physical activity to help you in your mission to love your body, pick something you really enjoy! Not only will your workouts be filled with passion and get you in shape, they will also help you to build your self esteem and reconnect with your body. An archery class that makes you feel alive will certainly get you further than sitting on your couch looking at your dusty yoga membership you used six times last year.

4.     WRITE YOUR BODY AN APOLOGY NOTE- Have you ever written a letter or email to someone you have treated badly but can’t live without? Well, this is the same thing. Think of the negative thoughts and behaviours you have directed toward your body, get as real with this activity as possible and write down the thoughts and behaviours you are apologizing for. Use detail and feel the pain that comes with rehashing your body bashing. Then write out a list of the things your body does right. Make a list of all the things you appreciate about your body; how it is disease free, gets you from point A to point B on foot or allows you to carry your children etc. As a client of mine with rheumatoid arthritis reminded me yesterday; you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. Finally, write how you will behave in the future towards your figure. Again, be detailed. Write to your body as though you are it’s new protector, hero and biggest fan.

     BE AWARE OF OTHER PEOPLES JEALOUSY AND PROJECTIONS- Healthy, normal people don't go around tearing others down. If someone makes an unwelcome comment about your body, there is something sad and insecure about them, not you. They are dumping their insecurities on you. For example, I know man who works out obsessively, diets and takes legal and illegal supplements. He looks amazing (think GQ magazine) but constantly complains that he's getting fat and old. This man is very insecure. In turn, he tells his wife constantly that she's getting fat and old. That's how projections work; we conveniently and unconsciously place our own fears and insecurities on others, rather than heal the issue for ourselves. Through understanding this psychological phenomena, I was able to see that most of the comments from others about my weight were their own issue and not mine. BUT for years I took on those comments, internalized them and felt ashamed of my physical appearance. I've had people putting me down for years who were uncomfortable with me shining my light of confidence and happiness around them. So, take a good look at the "haters" in your life and ask yourself these questions:
What do I have that they want?
What is this person insecure about?
How does this person benefit from putting me down?

In this moment I give you full permission to begin the process of loving your body no matter what the scale says or how much cellulite you have. Whether you love or hate your body, it is yours for life. So,why not live your days loving? The choice is yours. 

5.     


How to Get Unstuck and Start Living a Life You Love


As a Job Coach working government contracts, I was responsible for coaching some of the most “stuck” people you could imagine. Stuck in negative thinking patterns, stuck in victim mentality, stuck in their lot in life. In my experience, the quickest way to help people to become unstuck is to start talking about death. The aknowledgement that one day, which could be sooner rather than later, everyone dies and nobody gets out of life alive, seems to be the turning point for many people who desperately need elements of their life to be different. When people are acutely aware of their own expiration, they also become aware of their dreams of a life they wanted for themselves but let go of along the way. While most of us have heard the term “bucket list”, I often wonder how many of us have actually taken the time to contemplate and write a list of goals that we will accomplish before we die. I bet the number is quite small, and I can bet that fewer still have started checking off the goals on their lists. Is the reason we fail to set lofty life goals due to the fact that we are truly content with the legacy that is our life? I think not. 
Bronnie Ware, an Austrailian palliative care nurse discovered the top five regrets of the dying while working closely with patients in their last 12 weeks of life. Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. 

The top 5 regrets of her dying patients are as follows:

   1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, and not the life others expected of me.
   2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
   3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
   4. I wish I stayed in touch with friends.
   5. I wish I allowed myself to be happier.

   Now, which of the top 5 regrets struck a nerve for you? was it one, or all of the regrets that you can relate to? You may be feeling a little down thinking about this delicate subject matter, but I've got great news; you are still alive! You can still accomplish your bucket list, contact old friends or work less. So take a moment to think about your death every day. Ask yourself; if I died tomorrow, what would I regret? How would I want to spend the last days/ months/ years of my precious time on earth? And then start doing those things. You always had, and always will have the authority to create whatever kind of life you want while you are still here. What a vibrant and freeing thought that you could live a life you love, enabling you to die without regrets. There's still time to make changes, so get out there and live!


Monday, June 9, 2014

3 Ways to Build Self Esteem


Self Esteem: Confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.

We've all experienced life's ups and downs, and we've all felt world shattering blows to our confidence and self perception. Personally, I have rarely felt more clear and exhilarated than I felt in the moment I realized that I was 100% responsible for my life circumstances, how I was treated and how I felt about myself. In that moment everything changed. I felt powerful and alive, no longer making excuses for myself or others, and no longer playing the victim role. Once I understood that I alone was in charge of showing myself and others what I was worth and how much I valued me, my whole reality shifted for the better. I guess that's why it's called SELF esteem; YOU are in charge of it. Here are three ways to improve your self esteem and in turn your relationships and your life. 

1. Surround yourself with positive people

"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with" - Jim Rohn. 
Constantly complaining about friends, family and coworkers? Maybe it's time to look in the mirror if the people you associate with most are negative, insecure energy drainers, because chances are good that their outlook has rubbed off on you. When you are around positive people, you can't help but become more positive, happy and full of life, so eliminate or limit your time spent with people who you don't feel great around. 

2. Set achievable goals

When you have confidence in your ability to do things, you are more likely to accomplish more. So set daily and monthly goals. Start with small goals such as "clean out two kitchen drawers" or " jog for 1 extra minute each day". Pretty soon you will have the confidence to set larger goals because that's how self esteem works; the more you feed it the more it can eat, and the more self confident you become. 

3. Be happy with you just as you are in every moment. 

Creating self esteem isn't just about doing and achieving more, rather, it's about creating a balance between accepting who you are and being who you want to become. Be gentle on yourself more often. Learn to love who you are. When you are bashing yourself for who you are or a mistake you've made, ask yourself this simple question: how would I respond to my best friend if they did the same thing? This will allow for more self compassion, which will boost your self esteem. 
 
Jennifer Szabo
Certified Wellness Counselor
Certified Life Coach
Licensed Zumba Fitness Instructor